Taking Cartoons too Seriously
As anyone who's read anything I've ever written about religion or faith or belief in gods or anything like that should readily be able to tell you, I feel people take religion far too seriously based on far too little consideration.
Case in point: The Danish Cartoon Row.
Problem 1: The physical appearance of Mohammed (and yes there are dozens of ways to spell it... I try to treat them all equally) in his lifetime is no more well-dcoumented than the appearance of Jesus, Moses, Lao Tse, Confucious and a host of others in their lifetimes, if they actually existed. I could draw a smiley-faced stick-figure and if I said it was Muhammad, well then... it's him and I need to be stoned to death, apparently.
Problem B: Has anyone within the radical and/or fundamentalist Islamist camp... and by that, I mean the people willing to be stampeded, trampled to death, suffocated, shot and otherwise made to be not alive anymore in order to indicate their distaste for these Danish cartoons... given a moment's thought to the idea, that: God is great, yeah? Omnipotent, some say, yeah? All-knowing? Sure. And God's on your side, right? Absolutely! How could it be otherwise?! So couldn't... let's go a step further... wouldn't an omnipotent, omniscient god, pissed off about the heretical misrepresentation of His Prophet by infidels, just smite the infidels, Himself, in a manner which is not only aparent to the smoten infidels, but the entire world?! Read any religious text... gods are big on theatre. I mean, if I was such a god, that's what I'd do. I'd have a perfectly Denmark-shaped bolt of lightning ... serious, no-shit lightning... shoot across the universe... like from the complete other side... instantly. Take THAT, Einstein! I mean this event would be so laden with miraculous shit scientists would have no choice but to throw their hands up and go into spoon-bending. The perfectly-Denmark-shaped bolt of lightning would hit... Denmark! Not just scorch it... not just leave a crater... no!... instantly excavate a perfect conic, Denmark-shaped core from the Earth, and just so there would be no doubt that it happened, I'd set it up so that the water wouldn't flood the hole.... no, the absence of Denmark would be glaringly obvious because of the glaringly-obvious, Denmark-shaped absence-of-Denmark, all the way to the center of the Earth. No volcanos, floods, disruptions to the Earth's magnetic field... After all, we are talking about a miracle here... an "act of god"... a no-joking-around, "I can do anything, I'm the chief of police." sort of action. The "laws of nature" do not apply here. In fact, just to make it clear what this was all about (being tired of people always misreading my "signs") suspended over the Denmark-shaped absence-of-Denmark, I'd have a virtual billboard, permanently and clearly written in the language of the reader and at always at a right angle to the reader's axis of vision (remember, this is a miracle... laws of nature are moot, here), saying,
"Denmark was destroyed by me because of its heretical depiction of my Prophet, Mohammed... Muhammad...? Anyway, you know what I mean.
I am great.
--- Allah
P.S. Please direct any questions, comments or praise to god@allahuakbar.com Donations accepted via PayPal."
I think that would erase any doubt.
It would seem to me... and some tell me I think too much... or am "too rational"... but momentarily disregarding such notions... It would seem to me that since something like this DIDN'T happen (and I concede that Allah - if there is a god and it's the Muslim one, and they've gotten everything right so far {hmm.. yeah...} He/She/It may be simmering a bit; trying to let the temper dissipate a bit before reacting. I do that sometimes.) Any self-respecting Muslim would HAVE to take a moment and wonder whether god is really there... or ever was.... I mean... If the representation by mortals of the face of Muhommid is SUCH a heinous offense to god, wouldn't... shouldn't god, the victim of this crime, act? ...if only in self defense?... not act "through his followers" but REALLY ACT. Raining frogs, Burning sulpher falling from the sky, but only within certain political borders. Halt the rotation of the Earth! Sterilize an entire race or species! Flood the Earth seven miles deep! ...and, god, whatever you do, make sure you SIGN YOUR WORK! None of this, "We crash these planes into your buildings in the name of Allah!!" bullshit. Let Allah speak for himself, for a change!
Case in point: The Danish Cartoon Row.
Problem 1: The physical appearance of Mohammed (and yes there are dozens of ways to spell it... I try to treat them all equally) in his lifetime is no more well-dcoumented than the appearance of Jesus, Moses, Lao Tse, Confucious and a host of others in their lifetimes, if they actually existed. I could draw a smiley-faced stick-figure and if I said it was Muhammad, well then... it's him and I need to be stoned to death, apparently.
Problem B: Has anyone within the radical and/or fundamentalist Islamist camp... and by that, I mean the people willing to be stampeded, trampled to death, suffocated, shot and otherwise made to be not alive anymore in order to indicate their distaste for these Danish cartoons... given a moment's thought to the idea, that: God is great, yeah? Omnipotent, some say, yeah? All-knowing? Sure. And God's on your side, right? Absolutely! How could it be otherwise?! So couldn't... let's go a step further... wouldn't an omnipotent, omniscient god, pissed off about the heretical misrepresentation of His Prophet by infidels, just smite the infidels, Himself, in a manner which is not only aparent to the smoten infidels, but the entire world?! Read any religious text... gods are big on theatre. I mean, if I was such a god, that's what I'd do. I'd have a perfectly Denmark-shaped bolt of lightning ... serious, no-shit lightning... shoot across the universe... like from the complete other side... instantly. Take THAT, Einstein! I mean this event would be so laden with miraculous shit scientists would have no choice but to throw their hands up and go into spoon-bending. The perfectly-Denmark-shaped bolt of lightning would hit... Denmark! Not just scorch it... not just leave a crater... no!... instantly excavate a perfect conic, Denmark-shaped core from the Earth, and just so there would be no doubt that it happened, I'd set it up so that the water wouldn't flood the hole.... no, the absence of Denmark would be glaringly obvious because of the glaringly-obvious, Denmark-shaped absence-of-Denmark, all the way to the center of the Earth. No volcanos, floods, disruptions to the Earth's magnetic field... After all, we are talking about a miracle here... an "act of god"... a no-joking-around, "I can do anything, I'm the chief of police." sort of action. The "laws of nature" do not apply here. In fact, just to make it clear what this was all about (being tired of people always misreading my "signs") suspended over the Denmark-shaped absence-of-Denmark, I'd have a virtual billboard, permanently and clearly written in the language of the reader and at always at a right angle to the reader's axis of vision (remember, this is a miracle... laws of nature are moot, here), saying,
"Denmark was destroyed by me because of its heretical depiction of my Prophet, Mohammed... Muhammad...? Anyway, you know what I mean.
I am great.
--- Allah
P.S. Please direct any questions, comments or praise to god@allahuakbar.com Donations accepted via PayPal."
I think that would erase any doubt.
It would seem to me... and some tell me I think too much... or am "too rational"... but momentarily disregarding such notions... It would seem to me that since something like this DIDN'T happen (and I concede that Allah - if there is a god and it's the Muslim one, and they've gotten everything right so far {hmm.. yeah...} He/She/It may be simmering a bit; trying to let the temper dissipate a bit before reacting. I do that sometimes.) Any self-respecting Muslim would HAVE to take a moment and wonder whether god is really there... or ever was.... I mean... If the representation by mortals of the face of Muhommid is SUCH a heinous offense to god, wouldn't... shouldn't god, the victim of this crime, act? ...if only in self defense?... not act "through his followers" but REALLY ACT. Raining frogs, Burning sulpher falling from the sky, but only within certain political borders. Halt the rotation of the Earth! Sterilize an entire race or species! Flood the Earth seven miles deep! ...and, god, whatever you do, make sure you SIGN YOUR WORK! None of this, "We crash these planes into your buildings in the name of Allah!!" bullshit. Let Allah speak for himself, for a change!
posted by UrsusPacificus at 6:04 AM
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